


this is not an adventure story

by bookhobbit



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-07 23:39:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookhobbit/pseuds/bookhobbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Rincewind, as usual, is wrangled into being useful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is not an adventure story

**Author's Note:**

> Another snippet. The prompt was Rincewind+Ponder on An Adventure with Ponder being excited and Rincewind being, well...Rincewind, but it ended up as me developing my thesis, gathered from the Science Of novels, that Ponder is the chief Rincewind-wrangler on staff these days. Really only Ponderwind if you squint and put on your slash googles, and in that it exists in the Trouser Legs verse.

Rincewind sat down under a tree and pulled his hat over his eyes.

"No," he said.

"Oh, come on," said Ponder. "Don’t you think it’s a bit exciting?"

"What? Clearing old magic out of a forest that could quite possibly be, in fact almost certainly is knowing my luck, filled with dangerous creatures and general peril? No. I’ve had enough excitement for three lifetimes, thank you."

"But you’re already here."

"They can shove me into a carriage, but they can’t make me work. Besides, what am I supposed to do? Nobody told me."

"It’s a bit, er, interesting." Ponder admitted. Rincewind sat up and pulled his hat up.

"Oh, no," he said. Rincewind knew about interesting things. No good came of them. Give him boring any day, that’s what he always said. He expressed this view to Ponder.

"I know," said Ponder patiently, "But we need you. You’re the only one who can do it."

"Ha!" said Rincewind. "That’s what they always say! There’s always some nonsense about a chosen one and I don’t know how they’re chosen because if I was going to pick someone for an adventure, it wouldn’t be me. I hate adventure. I’m a coward."

"Yes, but you’re the only wizard that can’t do magic that we’ve got."

Rincewind frowned. “What?”

"Well, you see, we need a vessel."

"Oh, no, you’re not filling me full of whatever stray magic you find here!" Rincewind stood up and prepared to run, but Ponder held up a hand. "Of course not. That would be far too dangerous."

Rincewind relaxed, but only slightly.

"You’re just going to hold the staff we’re going to channel it into. You see, a nonwizard wouldn’t be able to conduct magic properly, but any other wizard’s natural magic might interfere with the gathering. Whereas you…"

"Have about as much natural magic as a concrete wall, yes, thank you," said Rincewind rather testily. It was true, of course, but that didn’t mean he liked being reminded of it. 

"Look at it this way," said Ponder, smiling at him in a way that Rincewind found entirely disconcerting. "How often does being bad a magic make you the best man for the job?"

"Never. That’s the one good thing about it," Rincewind said halfheartedly, but he knew he’d lost already. Somehow Ponder always managed to finagle things so that Rincewind had to do exactly what he, Ponder, had been planning. This was an exceedingly mysterious fact, since he only infrequently resorted to blackmail or outright threats - unlike the Archchancellor, who threatened everyone all the time.

"You can pretend it’s an adventure story," said Ponder as they trudged off into the underbrush.

"I’ve been in quite enough adventure stories, thank you," Rincewind replied. "What I’d like to know is how you always arrange everything according to your plan."

"I don’t. The senior wizards are almost impossible to control, for example."

"Oh, so it’s just me? I’m the only one you can boss around?"

"Yes, that’s right." Ponder had taken out a clipboard and was running over something, probably the steps to the blasted spell they had to do to activate all the blasted magic they were going to gather. Rincewind was never going to forgive him if he got turned into a stoat. Again.


End file.
